Finding our awesome!

I want to be one of the awesome ones.  I know at times I’m not.  I want people to get their come-uppance, and at times I want to show people that I see as ignorant and hateful exactly how small they really are.  And at the same time, I want to live in a world with awesome people.

Every day we get to make choices.  We get to decide how we interact with the world around us, and how we respond to the love we see in the world, along with how we respond to the anger and the hatred we see in the world.  Every day, in big and in little ways we get to either add to the love, or we get to add to the hate.

In the video you’re watching a hockey game where they have a tradition of having people throw out teddy-bears after the second home-team goal of the game.  You watch an outpouring of love and kindness that is literally overwhelming.  At one point you can see the players rolling in the bears like one would in fall leaves.  I can guarantee that there were many faiths, beliefs, wants, wishes, hurts, angers and class levels at that game. And for about 15 minutes they were all one in kindness and giving.  They were all one together enough so that they broke a world record and collected over 28,000 teddy-bears.  The sight brings me to tears.

It reminds me that we all pretty much have the same wants and needs.  The want to be loved, to be accepted, and to be seen as acceptable.  We all have the want to be seen as enough and worthy.  There are times that we can do very kind and loving things to get these needs met.  When we are showering an ice rink with teddy-bears, we know that we are giving and kind, and that we are doing something to make someone’s life better.

The first step to being awesome instead of horrible is working to find the common ground.  The other person has the same wants you have; to feel lovable, worthy, and enough.  Their fears and anxieties aren’t the exact same because they aren’t the same person.  They are do come from a similar place of just wanting to belong.  When we are able to humanize the people around us we are less likely to be nasty or ugly to them.  We go back to the golden rule : treat others as we wish to be treated.

The best moments are the ones that we all come together to create something awesome. These moments are amazing and remind me that underneath it all, we are good, kind, loving people.

I know that I want to be seen as competent, lovable, intelligent and worthy.  I also know that when something comes along that challenges me being seen as lovable, competent, intelligent and worthy there is a strong instinct to lash out.  In general, we all will have an instinct to make the person that challenges our worthiness, or our intelligence, or our value look as small as we feel.  There is documented research that says almost all of us try to make others look small when we feel small.  I know this isn’t how I want to live my life.  I don’t want to live my life trying to make people look small because I feel small.  I want to find the place inside of myself that knows I am competent, lovable, intelligent and worthy so others can’t pull me off center.  I want to keep from needing to pull others off center.  I want to shower the world with teddy-bears and kindness.

This entry was posted in Humanity, Relationships, Self-Relations on by .

About Marissa Engel

I have been in private practice in Austin, TX since 2007. My focus as a therapist is to help clients uncover within themselves the courage and strength to face life with confidence. In my work with clients I am most interested in helping people develop a compassionate relationship with their own experiences that can lead them on a journey of acceptance, self discovery, relief from suffering, and healing of relational disconnects. In my practice I have worked with individuals, couples, families, and groups, seeing adults, adolescents, and children. My scope of treatment has included depression, anxiety, panic attacks, anger and stress management difficulties, suicidal ideation, grief and loss, addictions, eating disorders, and couple/family difficulties.

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